Mental health of seniors

This story was so touching that I thought that I should share it with all. So here it is.

When Terry learnt that her mother was trying to play scrabble against herself, she knew she had to do something.

She asked her   one day, ‘’who is playing with you?’’

‘’My right hand versus left ‘’, replied her mother. 

Terry decided it was time to teach her mother computer.

Terry packed her   old computer, complete with scrabble and word processing program and thus began her   mother’s absorption in the computer and also Terrys  teaching assignment with her   mother.

All her   life, mother was her teacher; to cook, sew, and knit; to laugh, to enjoy the good times and endure the bad. Now it was daughters  turn to give something back.

  

This story tells us that no matter how old you are, a willing spirit is capable of learning anything.

You don’t stop learning when you grow old. Learning keeps a person’s mind active and agile. According to brain experts, it helps maintain brain health by preventing loss of brain function and cognitive skill such as memory,  reasoning and judgment etc.

As people age, finding ways to maintain quality of life is becoming urgent. Age alters the structure of brain.  For some people,brain mass shrinks modestly around the age of 60 or 70 . The cortex also undergoes modest thinning and the brain’s white matter decreases. This may play a role in declining memory.

The good news is, the age related brain function loss can be moderated by environmental factor like intellectual stimulation, formal education, leisure activities and professional pursuit. This can stimulate the mind and keep it healthy. More knowledge builds more network of connection in the brain, says Dr.James McGaugh.

Engaging in active learning allows one to be actively involved in the community ,developing new interests and for keeping up with young generation .Old  People feel more healthy, happy, respected and more independent when they peruse active learning in the senior years.

‘’The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others’’,said  Mahatma Gandhi.

The other avenue for seniors is to do volunteer work. This work is enhanced by formal or informal learning experience. Seniors will have to sometime learn new interpersonal and professional skills as well as time management skill.

There is impediment to learning at advanced age. But by facing the challenge one will make a one’s brain sharp. Family members should help seniors overcome learning problems.

I am sure the Governments role in supporting senior’s education program, will go a long way in making seniors life better. In an76.6 million of plus sixty aging population, such a program is a must. It should be under ministry of health as such programs  help maintain seniors mental health.

 

                                               Attached –detached

I have been intrigued by this term ‘Attached-detached’. I first heard it from our Guru, Swami Anubhavanada during his discourse. Then I happen to hear Saint Purandaradasa’s song ‘’hange irbeku samsaradali’’, meaning, how one should lead a householder’s life. He says, when we go to the beach, we see kids playing in the sand fighting for their place to make  castle and in the evening one sees the same kids kicking the castle, abandoning it and running home. This is how one must live in this world.

  If one goes to any market in the afternoon one will see hustle bustle and noise. The same market in the evening has a deserted look with everyone locking their shop, carts and wear and leaving for home.

We should also be like them and learn to move on.

         This way of living applies specially to the seniors. Some of us live with our kids in a joint family. We encounter day to day problems. The parents try to discipline the children and the grand- parents protect the kids. This leads to conflict.

 The seniors tell the grown up kids what to cook, what to eat, where not to go. This kind of interference leads to unhappiness. Such people need to learn from Saint Purandaradasa’s song as to how to live in this world.

The modern world is helping us to live without attachment as our nests get empty with kids leaving for higher studies. By the time a couple reaches the age of 50, they start coping to live in each other’s company.

Our ancient text talked about the Varna system. Very few of us understand and follow it .On the contrary, we mock at it, saying it is impossible to follow it in the modern world as it is a redundant concept. I beg to defer with this view. According to me what our ancestors advised us, is a universal phenomenon and so applies to all times.      

    The Ashram system believed in four stages of life. According to mystic Hindu beliefs, the Ashram System was a method to gauge one's lifespan and spiritual fulfillment. Starting at 100 years of age, the system separated this into 4 equal parts of twenty-five years each; the goal of each period was to achieve ideal culmination of all four life stages.

1. Bhramacharya "Student Life" (Age 0-24): Starting at a tender age, the child lived with a Guru to attain knowledge, self-discipline, and celibacy while being guided to the path of Dharma (Right Action).

2. Grihastha "Household Life" (Age 25-49): In this stage, the now tutored youth would apply his earned learning by selflessly carrying out his duty to the family and society,  worshiping God, and  work to earn a living..

3. Vanaprastha "Retired life" (Age 50-74): After having completed their dutiful obligations towards the household, the aged individual will gradually withdraw from the worldly duties in order to prepare for the final stage in their lifespan.

4. Sannyasa "Renounced Life" (Age 75-100): By now, the individual leads a fully secluded life. They now pursue dedication to spiritual accomplishment.  They will seek to gain Moksha (Spiritual Freedom) along with meditation.

What a well-organized stages of life! How thoughtful of our ancestors to have foreseen a universal system to lead a good life appropriate for all times.

If we apply these stages to today’s life

1. Brhamacharya  -A student must lead an austere and disciplined life to attain education.                                    

       Celibacy helps him in that purpose. 

2. Grihastha- he puts to use his education and works in his field at the same time  getting married and raising a family, looks after them by following dharma[right standard] eartha [earning well for the family and charity], kama [attachment to his family] and moksha-[following the religious duties for later life.

Where is the different between then and now? A good householder does exactly the same things as the one in olden days.

3.Vanaprasth- tells us to lead an attached-detached life. When the ancient man lived at the outskirt of his estate after providing for his family, he had to live like a stranger in his own estate, knowing all the happening in his family, but not involving himself. It is the most difficult way to live.

Following the householder’s stage, a man is expected to give up his belongings and retire from active family and social life to seek seclusion from the world. His wife can come with him or be left behind with her sons. According to the Laws of Manu, “When a householder sees his skin wrinkled and his hair gray and when he sees the son of his son, then he should resort to the forest.” In addition, he should be available to offer advice and guidance to family and society.
In this stage, a man should be engaged in study and should be willing to give more than he receives. He should strive to be self-controlled, friendly, spiritually composed, and compassionate.”

  

 Now compare this life with today’s retired man’s life. How many of us live such austere life? We get involved in nitty-gritty of the household and if our son or daughter, who runs the household now, does not listen to us, we feel insulted and say elders are not respected in today’s world.
Today when we live with our kids and grandkids, we too should live a vanaprastha’s life, doing whatever we can to help them at the same time not involving in the children’s life.

  

     I remember an incident where I had been to one of my friend’s house for a visit .Her grandfather was ninety year old. The father was complaining about his son saying he wastes money. After sometime his son walked in. The old man said, ’Meet my son’’. I looked up to see a seventy year old gentleman standing in front of me. How long can one carry the burden of a householder? That is why one should learn to be attached –detached.

    We must cultivate an attitude of detachment at the same time carrying on our duties allotted to us by the kids. If not, just mind your business and take care of yourself mentally and physically. This is what is a balance between attached-detached. It is a tight rope walk and needs concentrated spiritual study and practice to attain this stage. But those who can attain even 10% of this ,are the real karma yogis and happy soul. It is like common salt. A practice of a little of this attitude every day is the way to happiness. Such people are not only happy at all times but make everyone around them happy.

How lucky would be such a household where elders of this kind reside?

 

 We come across so many family disputes in the newspapers between father and son. There are mediation cells for the seniors. There are thousands of complaints against the elders of the household. The discord in the family becomes a public matter. Looking at all these complaints, I feel parent  who live on their own  , is the lucky one. Either we should adapt ourselves to the next generation’s household life or stay separately. There is dignity in staying on your own.

My father a centenarian ran his own household till the age of ninety nine. He never complained and did all his work himself till the end. He died a dignified death. It is not possible for everyone to be like him. It needs a lot of grooming from young age in self-reliance.

For people who cannot be on their own, there are many old age home options about which Senior Post’s Editor has been writing about in every issue.

But the first lesson all we elders have to learn is to accept the situation not comparing life in olden times’ to life in today’s world. We must be independent as far as possible, not expecting to be pampered because we are old. On the other hand, being in the world, we must go about its affairs with feeling of detachment. This is exactly what, is wanted of a seeker who is a householder.  Karma yoga recognizes that the real evil is not in the physical possessions themselves but in the attachment to them. It is not the ordinary duties involved in the process of earning a livelihood that should be abhorred, but selfishness - which is a consequence of attachment to worldly objects.

                                                                              

                                                                             

                                    Quick Fix

       I was enjoying my walk listening to my favourite singer. This is what I missed  because for six months I had gone to the U.S. It being winter ,temperature dipping to minus 30,I could not venture out.
I was waiting to come back to tropical whether to enjoy the sun's heat. But my misfortune, I pulled my leg muscle and was told by the doctor to keep off all exercises and walking. This put an end to my dream of morning walk. 
After two months of rest , today I had resumed my walk. The cool breeze, the sun's heat and my music was making me ecstatic when I hared someone call me. I came to a stand still. ''Hi, how are you? happy Yougadi ''Said Aruna, my neighbor.
''Not seen you for long. Off course I too have not come for walk for a while.'' Said I. Instead of asking me why I had not gone for walk , she said'' I went through two knee replacement. That is why I could not come. but now I am o.k''.

Upon hearing this news , I was livid with anger.'' You are not even fifty five. Why did you undergo this operation? I was telling you that I will teach  arthritis prevention asanas. You never made any attempt in last six years.''
She replied,'' Oh, it is in my genes. I can't help it.''
This upset me so much that I walked away from her. Her fatality was  infectious. She was ready to undergo knee replacement and physiotherapy to other options. She wanted a quick fix. 

The attitude of people towards exercise is very puzzling. People start narrating their physical pain, specially the 50+. Being a yoga teacher, I tell them some simple asana or pranayama. They immediately withdraw into a shell or acknowledge that they know yoga, they have learnt it. They do not practice it but are proud that they have learnt it [in a congregation of 20-30].

The same  incident in the west commands respect and they are eager to learn.  
In India ,people want immediate solution. They are ready to undergo knee replacement than learning some simple exercises to prevent surgery , a quick fix.

This outlook we see in every situation. Take Cataract eye operation,diabetes[instead of diet control insulin],dentures, piles etc. People prefer spending money and undergoing the operation than finding alternative therapy. The hospitals exploit the situation and harvests money.

The same approach is seen in collage admission,be it medical,engineering or M.B.A.The kids know that the parents will get them a seat by hook or crook. So they enjoy their college life ignoring hard work and studies. No doubt the number of private collages is on rise. Right from K.G admission to high school, we observe the same impatience. 

Thirty years back this was not the case. Only the student with high score could do medicine or any other. Why? Because no one had money to squander. We must blame this excess money culture for our plight. I have observed maids going to the Dr to get rid of fever. The Dr exploits their ignorance and gives them injection saying they will be cured. He charges hefty fee. The maid comes beaming the next day rid of pain. Is it psychology which worked or the fever was a passing one, we don't know. But the quack Dr benefits and the maid gets a quick fix.

from train booking to registration of land, people are looking for short cuts, willing to pay any price.This is the reason for corruption too.

There is no quick fix in life. No short cuts. What can't be cured has to be endured. This short cut is the reason for youngsters falling pray to Alcohol, drugs and suicide etc. We must teach younger generation Patience and toleration in life . No doubt the divorce rate is increasing. This partner is not right . Leave her or him and look for another. this is the trend and to cure that we must bring up our kids  by not indulging them in every step. Teach them , ''Patience pays''.

                             Thought for the day-1

We come across so many people in our life time but only few leave a mark .

1.  When I was incapacitated, A new acquittance sent food to me.

2. When we needed to go to hospital at odd time, A couple dropped us there . They even supplied hot breakfast.

3.When we moved into a new house, another friend helped us in shifting.

4. When a boy with  A.D.H.D  needed structured one to one teaching, a lady helped them out.

5. A lady taught English free of cost to all underprivileged kids.

There are instances and instances in everyone's  life .

In contrast we come across people who forsake you just when one needs them the most.
Human nature comes  in all hue and colours. As we accept nature's vagaries, we should learn to accept people as they are. 
We should be great full to those who help us and tolerate those who ignored us in time of need.

This act will give us tranquillity .

Cheer Up!

An octogenarian in clean but tattered saffron clothes, visits our home once in two weeks. He sings Kannada Dasa songs, dances in ecstasy and accepts whatever we offer. He demands nothing.  He has no possessions except his tattered bag, full of prasad from various temples he visits. He is fragile, bent, old and quite forgetful, but tireless and always cheerful.

Four or five days a month, he travels to far off  temples on piligrimage by train and night buses. Two weeks in a year he goes to Banaras or Badrinath. Rest of the time he is on his feet wearing a pair of worn-out flip-flops (rubber chappals), covering a radius of four to five kms . Come rain or shine we can hear the melodious rings of the bronze discs in his hands, and open our doors to him.

I often wonder what drives this man. Poverty is written all over him, yet the radiant smile that greets everyone, never vanishes from his face. I am sure it is his devotion to the Supreme Being. An interest in life keeps him going.

We meet so many retired people who lock themselves up in their home, complaining of some malady or other and never venture out unless some work is involved. Many feel vacant, useless and feel neglected by everyone. Such people get depressed, develop an inferiority complex and often try covering it up with anger or arrogance. This is the reason they lose interest in going out or meeting people, and people lose interest in them.

Most of us seniors have lived a full and responsible life. The silver age is the time to sit back and enjoy. Dale Carnegie says - "Little things worry us and eat us up like a giant tree, which has withstood the onslaught of thunder, lightning and storms, but is eaten up by small beetles''.

We must cultivate the habit of taking small irritants lightly. Many times situations don't make us happy or unhappy but how we react to it does. So whatever happens around us, we must try and learn to take it lightly and only then can we relax. Living in joint family or alone, in life's December, one must become very selfish when it comes to anything that affects one's peace of mind. Detachment seems to be the tool. 

So how do we practice the detachment which Hindu Dharma preaches? It does not mean detaching oneself from the family and becoming a Sanyasi. Sanyas is not merely wearing orange clothes. It means detached attachment. Not reacting to circumstances and controlling our thoughts and mind. Watch or witness the circumstances like a third person. Learn to enjoy beauty in all His creations. Be it a flower, architecture or an innocent child's laughter.  
Most seniors allow their mind and body to deteriorate with negative thoughts and inactivity. When a bicycle is lying in the garage for a year, it collects rust and does not function unless the rust is removed, and the bike is serviced. Our mind and body are similar to it. We must keep our body and mind in tune by exercising the body and activating the mind.
Keep the mind engaged in some activity or hobby like:

1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Music
4. Painting
5. Photography
6. Calligraphy
7. Traveling
8. Collecting rare items
9. Repairing things at home
10. Cooking
11. Prayers, Meditation, Chanting
12. Cleaning
13. Chopping vegetables                      
14. Gardening
15. Light sport, Yoga etc.
16. Travelling.
17. Bird watching.
18. Boating.
19. Walking. 

You can be a real help to your loving spouse by helping with daily chores. There is no shame in it. In fact, it is very touching to see an elderly couple helping each other.
The list of things to do that can bring back the vitality to your life is endless. But the best thing to do is go back in memory to your school days and recollect what your hobby was at the time and try to pursue it. The whole point is to retain the mental faculty without deterioration. There is no age limit for learning. There are language classes all around. One could pick up any one of them and join. This way one meets lots of people and gets to interact. Otherwise it is very easy to be stuck alone at home and go into depression, Dementia, senility and Alzheimer's.
Beware! This does not mean competing with youngsters, but accepting one’s age and proceeding accordingly. Using our will power we must stop failing health. Daily practice of Pranayama and Yogasana gives seniors a new lease of life and teaches one to face each day happily. Dean Hawkes says - "For every ailment under the sun there is a remedy, or there is none. If there be one, try to find it; if there be none; never mind it.''

Keeping oneself active and cheerful is the secret of good life in the silver age.

                                                             

                     Solitude,a balm or a bane? 

The first sound in this world a  baby hears is the heart beat of man. But as he grows up he forgets to listen to it and gets entangled in all sorts of noise going around.

He becomes addicted to company. So much so that it’s impossible for him to stay alone. So when that is withdrawn, he becomes helpless and needs helpline to chat. No doubt today chat rooms, phone helplines are booming business. Being social is fine but to feel helpless without it is disease. Today Young and old are afflicted with this disease. We are either  talking with others on phone, Skype or  WhatsApp or talking to ourselves in the mind.

        

The seniors with retirement and aging get isolated from society as they are robbed of their sole occupation .Some accept it with grace and some others don’t. Even if they do live with   their children, they still face the same situation. The children and grand kids are busy all around them. In this scenario, the aged feel lonely.

Loneliness denotes   pain and solitude denotes joy of being alone. The question is how does one leap from loneliness to solitude.

 

The word solitude brings to mind the well known poem of Wordsworth, ’’The solitary reaper’’. This poem is not about a lonely girl but about the feeling of tranquility a girl feels in solitude in the lap of nature.

Only in deep solitude, the mind becomes still. This leads to introspection and inner understanding. Loneliness connotes a missed absence of companion .Very often we are searching for companionship and so we miss introspection and looking within. Living in solitude is living with fresh, open mind that rejects memories of the past and anxieties .When we are occupied with memories; the present loses its vividness. The mind becomes dull .We are inwardly agitated and that leads to loneliness. Loneliness does not arise out of our isolation from others but due to isolation from oneself.

Here I would like to quote Swami Chinmayananda,’’ Thoughts can make us or mar us. If rightly harnessed they can be used for constructive purpose. If misused, they can destroy us totally.’’

On feeling lonely Chinmayananda said;’’ If you don’t like your own company, why inflict it on others?’’ 

Very often we find ourselves lonely even when surrounded by company and feel all this pursuit of company worthless. Freedom from memories removes this feeling. So we must learn to free ourselves from addiction and attachment. We are addicted to talking and listening to another person. When this is not provided, the mind gets bored and feels lonely. The one who surrenders to this feeling, gets diseases like depression, senility etc.

So what is the solution?

The first hand solution that all of us know is to take up some challenging work. Yes, but this gives only momentary relief. The problem remains deep rooted.

All the scriptures and religions in the world give one and the only solution,’ Meditation’. Exploring in silence is a psychic way. It’s an adventure into the unknown, which will keep one with ones’ inner self, calming the mind in the process. The only silence we know is when the noise stops. But that is not the true silence. That only aids in meditation for the pursuit of which the ancient saints went to Himalayas and still go today.

Those of us who have fulfilled our duties to our family and are free from pressing occupation should count ourselves blessed that we get so much time with ourselves to peruse meditation and silence which purifies the mind. Those who are busy in worldly pursuits too should practice meditatation once a day to cleanse and relax our mind. In the world of today man is all the time on the run. To be healthy mentally and physically this is the only way.

People who practice meditation should share their experience with others to inspire them.

Tranquility and not agitation is the innate nature of humans. We experience it in sleep. The sages in all activity experience Brhaman due to meditation and tapas. That is tranquility due to solitude.

To quote, ‘Charles Tolle’s example, a beggar was sitting on the roadside on a box. He begged to a passerby .

The man said to him, ’I have nothing to give you. What are you sitting on? The beggar replied,’’An old box’’. The man asked,’’have you ever looked inside?’ the beggar said, ’what is the point? ’The man said,’ open it’’.When the beggar opened the box, to his surprise it was filled with gold.

 Similar to the beggar’s we have deep, profound peace within us. Instead of finding it within, we look outside for pleasure. There is a treasure within.

 

Therefore my tip to youngsters is to practice solitude and to the elderly is, treat it your good fortune that you get isolated from society. Make use of the extension God has given us to learn once again what we missed to learn when we were young. This time the lesson is learnt not in school but only in solitude.

                                      Graceful Aging

Aging is a natural process, is a universal truth. But the decline in physical and mental faculty with aging is also true. How does one face old age? Some people take it as an opportunity and enjoy life .Whereas others call old age a disease. Taking aging gracefully is required.

1. Develop and maintain a strong social support network of family, friends, and colleagues.

2. Develop a personal exercise program combining aerobics and weight work and yoga.

3. Take charge of your brain. Make an active commitment to learning and growth. According to research on lifespan development: IF you continue to use your brain and develop your intellect and if you remain socially connected and active, you can actually increase your IQ scores as you age.

4. Take charge of your financial future. Plan, plan, and plan. If you are single, don't count on getting married to finance your old age. You are on your own! If you are married, learn what is going on with your finances. If you are female, statistics say you will spend seven to fifteen years or more as a widow, depending upon the age difference between you and your husband. You will probably be on your own for a long time. Plan, plan, plan.

5. Eat a low-fat, high-fiber diet. Learn to live on fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes as much as possible. Plan a few days a week that include no animal products, not even dairy.

6. Stay aware of the latest nutritional information.

7. Don't follow every kind of diet that is advertised. Take a dietician or Dr’s advice.

8. Remember that the pharmaceutical industry makes money from selling drugs. Read, study, and form your own opinions about taking cholesterol, blood pressure, estrogen and other "old-age" medicines. Very few long-term studies are available to show the results of these medicines. The industry does extensive advertising to the medical profession pushing these drugs.  It is your responsibility to read, study, and keep up with the truth for yourself.

9. Practice light to no drinking.

10. No smoking, no matter what.

11. Remain goal oriented. Regardless of your age, still set one, five, ten and twenty-year goals. Keep on growing!

 12. Don't become more conservative than ever. Age is an attitude. Conservative is an old, stuffy attitude that allows life to pass you by and makes you sound old and boring.

And if you are approaching retirement without the best retirement income in the world, take heart. There will be more and better work opportunities for older workers in the future.

Quality aging requires that you embark on a new path in order to reap all of the rewards from aging that you can.

There are many gains as we age. We should count our blessings and instead of grumbling and blaming our misfortune,we should better our life and lead a happy, service oriented life.