This article is a tribute to my revered father . I have come this far holding his principles tight to my heart and following them.

My Principled Father Mr.V.L.Rao.

On the platform of Srirangam railway station in Tiruchiraapally District stood a boy sixteen years of age.  A forlorn, awe-struck figure, who was thin, fair and emaciated .

An old man passing by saw this boy and asked him, “Where are you going Paiya?”

The boy looked the man straight in the eyes and said “To Bombay”.

The old man probed, “Have you informed your people at home?’’

Appukutti as he was called then replied, “I’m going there to look for a job. My brother-in-law will receive me. Only my mother and younger brother live here. So, they can’t come to the station. My father died last year.”

This young man was none other than Mr. V.L. Rao, my revered father, who rose to the position of Secretary to the Chief Justice of Bombay High Court. In the corridors of Bombay High Court, a name to be reckoned with during his tenure there.

He left Srirangam with a ticket and five Rupees in his pocket. He had not seen anything except the temple town of Srirangam. He was going to find a job to repay the debts his father had accrued. His father had lost his job as a ‘pundit’. The boy had grown up in poverty.

In Bombay he stayed with his sister and looked for job. This was the time of British rule. There were not many jobs available and no vacancies anywhere. Very few establishments offering employment existed at the time. He located a temporary job as a clerk in the high court. He further qualified himself and got a permanent job and rose to make a name as a man of principles.

He was given three extensions after his retirement, which was a record at that time. He worked under Englishmen. This made him a disciplinarian and a stickler for time. He ran his household very strictly. He could not stand laziness. He was very methodical and maintained a diary of daily expenditure. He cleared his father’s debt to the last penny. He took good care of his widowed mother and educated his younger brother who later rose to a high post. My mother supported him in all of his enterprises.

He would help all his relatives in their time of need. People immigrating from his village to Bombay would stay with him until they found a job and settled down. He would return from office as late as 8 p.m., and then find time to teach typing and shorthand to his kids in need. He paid for performing the marriages of two poor relatives and a maid-servant, in spite of leading a middle class life himself.

He was very generous but could not tolerate cheating or bribery. He was very sympathetic and caring towards the poor and needy, specially the women and maid-servants whose husbands abused them. He encouraged poor kids to study and make a life for themselves by citing his own life. To give an example one of the maids had a spastic son. So he and my mother gave him nutritious  meal everyday along with egg .

He hated the habit of drinking liquor. According to him liquor was the cause of poverty and downfall of a person.

He was a believer but did not like rituals. He was against conversion in religion. He was more of a doer. He respected his wife’s religious fervor and helped her to perform festivals in grand scale though he did not believe in it. So much so that he performed all the festivals at home even when she was no more.

He practiced ‘yogasana’ including the headstand till the age of ninety three. Due to a fall he started practicing simple ‘asanas’ as he grew older. Till the time of his death, he did yoga and ‘pranayama’.  He was very independent-minded and forthright. Till the age of ninety he washed his own clothes.

He would eat only ‘satvik’ food and had only two meals a day and a light snack in the afternoon.  He never snacked at odd times. He was a good husband, and helped his wife with the household chores. He was a good singer too.

He was not a social bird. Instead of his going to other people’s places, he would invite people home. He was very proud of his children and believed that they would never wrong anyone. He was a very affectionate person. He would visit his children from time to time and preferred their company to a friend’s.

He had faith in our system of laws. That is the reason he took a neighbor to court for illegal construction, at the ripe old age of ninety five. He was a very alert citizen. He wrote letters to newspaper editors regularly on issues that concerned the public. To cite an example - it was his effort which started the 8 Limited bus route in Chembur, Bombay.

A father holds a very big portion of a daughter’s heart. Generally speaking, he is the parameter by which she judges all the males in her life. There may be exceptions to this rule however. The difference in age between us was four decades. But I never felt that difference. He was modern and ahead of his time. He had assimilated all the good qualities of his generation. He was 1905 model! He lived a full life of 98 1/2 years and had all the hopes of making it to a century - but for destiny. On 28 December 2003, he died a peaceful death after an independent and exemplary life. He had no sickness and was no trouble to anyone.

On the eve of his 99th birthday stepping into 100, a century on September 11^th, I wish to pay tribute to this great departed soul who has left behind six children, twelve grand-children and fourteen great-grand-children with a hope that they too would lead an exemplary life. I bow to him. Please join me.

                                                                                   

This article struck me as unique. I have added some points. You too can.

                                             

                                                 Happiness and bliss

  Many times we conclude that we are in bliss. But do we know what bliss is?

The dictionary meaning of bliss is ‘the joy of extreme happiness’’ a condition of supreme well being and good spirit.

In these modern times, you ask a person “what is the meaning of life?”, and getting happiness” is the prompt reply. Today there is such a big emphasis on being happy. We have movies regarding the subject and commercials are almost exclusively about happiness. Every commercial tells you that you will be happy as soon as you buy their product. We even have books on the subject of how to achieve the magnificent state that is happiness. Our constant obsession with happiness is very much reflected from photographs. When someone is to take a portrait of someone it’s important for us to smile and look happy, in order for others to see how happy we are. Happiness has become something prestigious.

What is happiness? The happiness that is being preached by media is about being content. When you are happy you are satisfied with your life, and how it has turned out. The happy man today is shown as someone with a good career, having a pretty good income of money, have a loving and faithful wife. Also you have 2 kids, one boy and one girl that you live together with preferably on the countryside. Now, this man is according to the myth happy, But The moment you declare your happiness, you have nothing to strive for anymore. It is in man’s nature to struggle, to fight against one self and to become a better man. We are not meant to be content, we are meant to improve our selves. “Happiness” is a false virtue. In fact it’s a non-existent virtue. It is not natural to feel a constant happiness as modern society’s myths claim.

I do believe in  short moments when one experience euphoria due to things as seeing beautiful nature. It is not something that is long lasting, something we are constantly told it should be. The only way we can be constantly happy is by distributing happiness. And for that one needs to look within and try to be better than what you are as a human being.

Many people don't realize , that money , wealth , fame , beauty and fashion don't make you happy. "Money doesn't buy you happiness". If it was so ,then Michael Jackson who was at the pinnacle of fame and having altered his looks should not have become miserable and take the help of drugs! Studies show that Lottery winners, once they have got over the initial rush of apparent well-being and excitement, return to their prior level of happiness or unhappiness within a reasonably short time.

Dalai Lama has said,’’I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy’’. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affects this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.’’

Although in external matters we are highly developed and continue to progress, at the same time it is equally important to develop and progress in terms of inner development.

 Man constantly craves and thinks of bliss.’’ If I get her as my wife, I will be in bliss’’. Think some. For most it is money, others success and still others sexual fulfillment.

But the search never ends. If a person has everything, still he wants some higher thing than what he usually has and so he goes after drugs, alcohol etc. For some few, spirituality gives them bliss. Here we are talking of spirituality and other mundane things like marriage in one breath. How is it?

 The Nityananda episode made me ponder over the human mind which talked about salvation and sex in the same breath.

Under the influence of drugs like Ecstasy one gets the feeling of high, a feeling of light headedness and a sense of profound connecting to others, the feeling that one’s heart is exploding with love. It is akin to a spiritual experience. One transgresses the limit of our own being and self-consciousness to feel a part of something much bigger. Chanting divine mantra and kirtan gives the same experience.  At base level all our emotional and physiological feelings could be explained in terms of different biochemical combination. Taking drugs alters our biochemistry and so our feelings .The ecstatic state in spirituality is just as drug induced as taking Ecstasy. But in chanting or kirtan the drug are our bodies own. This we realize only if we know yoga where body, mind  unite. The experience of bliss is a part of our physiology. We are wired that way. The mind translates biochemical changes into emotion. The endorphins and other receptors like neuropeptides in the brain make us feel good. Therefore our own biochemistry is the key to our happiness.

According to an ancient  'knowledge - known by its Sanskrit name as 'ayurveda' - there is a subtle biochemical substance known as OJAS that is responsible for the experience of joy, exhilaration and happiness in the human mind-body system.

That amazing meal you had at that restaurant, which filled your senses with delight and exposed you to amazing new flavors, can certainly be described as bringing you happiness because of endorphins. The same goes to for any spiritual experience.

     By looking at American society today, one would think that there is a massive epidemic of OJAS deficiency.  Millions of Americans are complaining of being unhappy and depressed—yet most doctors simply throw a pill at the problem!  They do not go to the underlying problem. Endorphin represents a category of peptides. They produce bodie’s pain and pleasure feeling. Acupuncture and massage can alleviate pain by the release of endorphins into cerebrospinal fluid. Exercise, yoga and running stimulates endorphins production and the resultant feeling of wellness. Pranayama and deep breathing have the same effect.

When we do pranayama, chanting or kirtan , it causes the body to make it’s own drug and  metabolize it’s own drugs which produce heightened feeling of well being similar to the drug Ecstasy , although the  health benefit of chanting, kirtan and pranayama etc clearly outweigh those of taking ecstasy. The mind is fooled and doesn’t differentiate between endogenous and exogenous drugs.

Our experience of bliss does not lessen because they can be explained.

Sat-Chit-Ananda is a triple consciousness. Sat is existence, Chit is consciousness and Ananda is bliss. You can separate them if you want to and, at the same time, you can take them as one. If one achieves Existence, then inside Existence he has Consciousness itself. And if one has Consciousness, then Bliss is there.

‘’To reach Sat-Chit-Ananda is a most difficult thing. Hardly twenty or thirty Masters have reached it and stayed at that plane, and hardly one or two can embody it. Some Masters have reached that plane and immediately came down because it was too high for them. It is much easier for people to reach the illumined mind or the Supermind, but Sat-Chit-Ananda is absolutely the highest. That consciousness is almost impossible to attain, even for the spiritual Masters. When we go deep within we feel these three together, and when we acquire the inner vision to perceive them all at once, we live verily in the Kingdom of Heaven. Otherwise, Existence is at one place, Consciousness is somewhere else and Bliss is nowhere near the other two. When we see and feel Existence-Consciousness-Bliss on the selfsame plane, each complementing and fulfilling the others, Not only can we feel it, but without the least possible doubt, we can become it. we can say that we live in the Kingdom of Heaven. Yes, the Kingdom of Heaven is within us.’’ Yoga and the Spiritual Life by Sri Chinmoy
Man chases bliss like a lion chasing the deer and it eludes him ,not knowing that it is actually within him.I agree with the Dalai Lama .’’People in modern societies tend to depend more on machines and services rather than on fellow human beings. The consequence of all this is unhealthy competitions, envy, hatred, accounting for the problems, tensions and unhappiness in our societies today. This trend must be challenged and changed, by all of us, individually and collectively. As we all seek ways and means to find happiness and fulfillment in life, His Holiness calls us to reflect on the fact that there is someone else somewhere, very close to us, who needs our help in order to be happy too. Only when we succeed in making such a person happy do we become happy ourselves and find the fulfillment and satisfaction that we seek.’’
Happiness is short term, comes from outside .Bliss comes from inside and lasts long, it is the joy of being.
Happiness is something we crave for and get and bliss is nothing to crave for. Happiness  is a tiny piece of bliss .Bliss fills you with the reality of supreme and depends only on him who dwells within us.

                                                       Yoga and viveka[The elixir of life]

  

                             On the occasion of Yoga day , I would like to add my tribute to Yoga.

                   

                                  The feeling when one finishes morning yoga session is very blissful. Yogis are ready to take the day. An hour of concentration on our body and breath develops control. Energy fills you and day by day you see the change in you. It makes you feel exalted. That is why yoga practitioner rave over it to the point of madness. They feel like standing on top of the roof and shout ,''here is the elixir of life ,pleas partake in it.

                                It improves our posture which is the main reason for most of our problems. When the anatomy is not in its right position, it is constantly pressed like  one with drooping  shoulders or sits hunched.

                                   

                                  With yoga correction in posture starts and with it one starts breathing better. Learns to walk, stand sit tall. One feels healthier and the muscles get stretched. With this comes attitudinal change.

With asanas and pranayama one becomes focused in body and mind. This is Union[Yoga].this leads to calmness.

                                     Agitating thoughts or activity makes one restless creating tension in every part of the body and mind leading to faster breathing.

The pressure of work, commuting, balancing family and work and earning leads to stress. Stress's physical manifestation is inflexible muscles in legs, neck, back, jaw or some other area. One may not even notice why it happens. This further leads to poor sleep, anxiety, reacting and pessimism.

If stress persists for long, it leads to High blood pressure, cardiac problem, migraine headache, back pain etc. With yoga comes concentration. Concentrating on each part of the body while doing asana or pranayama is difficult in the beginning but it becomes part of you with time and one gets self-awareness of each part of the body.

                                           What are the obstacles to yoga practice?  Patanjali's  Yoga sutra give nine of them. Illness, dullness, doubts, carelessness, fatigue, distraction, wrong perception , instability and

  lack of conviction.

  How does one overcome these?

        By at least doing simple asanas, questioning it's basics, changing habits, following relaxation techniques like Shavasana, purposefully avoiding distraction, not hopping from one alternative medicine to other but following with determination etc.

               The results are bagful. By keeping to yoga regime every day, one will view challenge of life peacefully. For example one will notice that in an argument you take a deep breath and the stress evaporates.

It is a secular science of health, wellness and mental and physical discipline. It is not a religion and does not conflict with one's attitude. Reaction to situation and people change and one does things by being more aware. Simple things like how one walks and bends changes.

                Your relationship with others many times causes stress. By counting ten and taking a deep breath, negative reactions are replaced . We are able to distinguish between stress that really matters and one that can be shed.

                    A yogi wants to avoid ager. The same energy he is able to utilize for a better cause. A person’s senses sharpens; taste, touch, sight, smell and hearing all of them.

  I have listed some changes.-

                       1. One starts avoiding food that causes problem.

                       2.  Ones healing by touch ability improve. One can become a good Rekhi person.

                       3.  Any visual that causes agitation, one starts avoiding.

                       4. We avoid strong perfumes.

                       5. We listen to music more..

                            One gets Viveka [enlightenment ]  ,stress melts away.

                                    Rules for graceful aging

Aging is a natural process, is a universal truth. But the decline in physical and mental faculty with aging is also true. How does one face old age? Some people take it as an opportunity and enjoy life .Whereas others call old age a disease. Taking aging gracefully is required.

1. Develop and maintain a strong social support network of family, friends, and colleagues.

2. Develop a personal exercise program combining aerobics and weight work and yoga.Practice Pranayama, medition and relaxation everyday.

3. Take charge of your brain. Make an active commitment to learning and growth. According to research on lifespan development: IF you continue to use your brain and develop your intellect and if you remain socially connected and active, you can actually increase your IQ scores as you age.

4. Take charge of your financial future. Plan, plan, and plan. If you are single, don't count on getting married to finance your old age. You are on your own! If you are married, learn what is going on with your finances. If you are female, statistics say you will spend seven to fifteen years or more as a widow, depending upon the age difference between you and your husband. You will probably be on your own for a long time. Plan, plan, plan.

5. Eat a low-fat, high-fiber diet. Learn to live on fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes as much as possible. Plan a few days a week that include no animal products, not even dairy.

6. Stay aware of the latest nutritional information.

7. Don't follow every kind of diet that is advertised. Take a dietician or Dr’s advice.

8. Remember that the pharmaceutical industry makes money from selling drugs. Read, study, and form your own opinions about taking cholesterol, blood pressure, estrogen and other "old-age" medicines. Very few long-term studies are available to show the results of these medicines. The industry does extensive advertising to the medical profession pushing these drugs.  It is your responsibility to read, study, and keep up with the truth for yourself.

9. Practice light to no drinking.

10. No smoking, no matter what.

11. Remain goal oriented. Regardless of your age, still set one, five, ten and twenty-year goals. Keep on growing!

12. Don't become more conservative than ever. Age is an attitude. Conservative is an old, stuffy attitude that allows life to pass you by and makes you sound old and boring.

13.Keep active mentally and physically to avoid mental and physical issues.
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14. Accept your age and reduce the pace of your walk.

15. Don't commit too many activities in a day.

16. Learn to say no for things that are beyond your capacity.

If you are approaching retirement without the best retirement income in the world, take heart. There will be more and better work opportunities for older workers in the future.

Quality aging requires that you embark on a new path in order to reap all of the rewards from aging that you can.

                                                               Grandparenting

                                                                                                                                                

As grandparents we all want to make the most of the precious family time we get to spend with our grandchildren. The best grand parenting activities flow from the interests of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. You can create deep; loving relationships with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love with them, and by learning about what excite them.

Whether you’re a full-time grandparent, or a long distance grandparent living thousands of miles away, you can find new ways to strengthen family ties and provide your grandchildren with joyful memories and valuable life lessons.

 The role of a grandparent in a child's life-

 Grand- parenting is an opportunity to play, to love someone new, to appreciate the magic of a developing mind, and to be needed by someone again. Grandparents can:

 Share the things they're passionate about with a new audience.

 See the world in a new way through younger eyes.

 Experience,  games, music, nature, reading, and other interests in conjunction with a curious young mind.

 Provide expanded support and encourage their grandchildren.

 Use their breadth of experience to avoid the pitfalls they may have encountered as parents the first time around.

 Watch children develop through all stages of growth.

 Learn about their grand kids' music and passions.

 Provide input that parents cannot.

Usually, grandparents have the benefit of interacting on a level that is once removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of parents. This can make it easier to develop a close bond with grandchildren. From near or far, grand parenting can provide continuity in a child's life. Grandparents are often the family historians, and can add a rich sense of family tradition to a child's life. Additionally, contact with grandparents can teach children positive attitudes towards aging and help them develop skills to enhance their own lifelong learning.

Of course, not everything about being a grandparent is great all of the time. Becoming a grandparent at a young age can make some people feel prematurely old and, just as parents do grandparents too sometimes have to deal with colicky babies and moody teenagers. For most though, the benefits of being a grandparent far outweigh the drawbacks.

What is the role of a grandparent in a child's life?

There is as many answers to this question as there are different family configurations and needs. Some grand parenting requires a full-time commitment. For others, grand parenting is a weekend together, an afternoon play date, a summer vacation, a chat on the phone, or an email exchange every now and then. And some other it is once in a year.

A good first step to a long and successful relationship with your grandchild is to establish some ground rules with your son or daughter:

Be clear about what role you want to have in your grandchild's life. How often you want to babysit, for example, or whether you’d like to be included in events such as school functions.

Talk with parents about their rules. Consistency is important for kids, so know the behavior limits your grandchild has to follow at home and maintain the rules when he or she is with you.

 Enforce any agreed upon punishment for bad behavior, whether it’s a “time out” or loss of privileges, for example.

 Baby proof your home, to ensure safety for infants and toddlers. It’s probably been a number of years since you had young children in your home so it’s important to check with your grandchild’s parents about ways to baby proof your home, so they’re comfortable leaving the child with you.

Common grand parenting pitfalls to avoid

Whatever your specific circumstances, when you are expressing love, showing concern for your grandchild's safety and well being, and being consistent in your behavior, you are probably already doing an excellent job of grand parenting.

To avoid potential conflict within your family, try to avoid these common grand parenting pitfalls:

Trying to be the parent.- As much as you might want to tell your children how to raise your grand kids, it’s not your role. Respect the parenting decisions your children make for your grand kids.

    Buying your  grand kids’ affection-. It’s tempting for grandparents to shower their grand kids with gifts, but check with the child's parents before you buy more toys. Maybe substitute some of your gift giving with activities instead. Do something with your grandchild that you both love and will build memories. Shower them with love instead of gifts.

    Overindulging the first few grandchildren and then not being able to repeat it as additional grandchildren come along. This can cause resentment from your own children who have kids later in life. Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchild (college fund, beach vacations, trips to the zoo) will set a precedent that you’ll need to repeat for every other grandchild.

    Ignoring boundaries.- A grandparent who won’t enforce limits and gives in to their grandchild’s every whim can infuriate parents. By allowing your grand kids to misbehave, overindulge in candy and junk food, or ignore bedtimes, for example, you’re only encouraging unhealthy behavior and making their parents’ job even harder.

Tips for spending quality time with your grand kids

The best grand parenting activities flow naturally from the interests of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. You can create a deep, loving relationship with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love with them, and by being available to hear about the ideas and activities that excite them.

Take it easy together

Make an effort to enjoy leisure time with your grandchildren. As a grandparent, you get to interact with your grandchildren without the same daily pressures of a parent—you don't have to worry about driving carpool or juggling making dinner for the family with  game practice and grocery shopping. Allow yourself to slow down and become really absorbed in an activity. Moving at a slower pace than usual can give children a sense that time can be 'stretched’—that you don't need to hurry through activities. And, as with adults, it gives them the psychic space to feel, reflect, and express emotions without feeling rushed.

Go outside

Children love the outdoors, and trips to the park or the beach can be a great jumping off point for some wonderful adventures and happy memories. Nature walks and day hikes can provide lots of interesting things to talk about, and water activities can be especially fun. Throwing stones into the water or watching the current play with sticks are simple activities that can be fascinating to children. You can start these activities when kids are toddlers, and expand the games as they get older.

Share your interests or your work

Engaging in hobbies and activities that you love or your grandchild loves can be a great way to spend time together and learn about each other. Sometimes, activities that you might not expect your grandchildren to be interested in, like knitting or gardening, might turn out to provide an important point of connection for you. Similarly, if you take an interest in something they are passionate about, like trading cards or the Harry Potter books, they get to share their special area of knowledge and may open up in new ways.

If you are still working, a visit to your place of work can add a dimension to your grandchild's perception of you. If you are retired, pictures and stories about what your working days were like can do the same.

Making the most of your grand parenting time

Carve out one-on-one time. On occasion, spend time with individual grandchildren. It will give you an opportunity to bond, without competition, with one grandchild at a time.

    See the sights. Concerts and plays, movies, science centers and museums, parks or walks in the neighborhood provide opportunities to be together and to exchange ideas and opinions.

    Play games. Board and card games are a unique opportunity to watch kids in action and to see how they operate in the world. Games also allow you to help your grandchild learn to be a good sport and play fairly.

    Communicate family history. Tell stories about games or trips you shared when the grandchild's parents were young. This is a great way to weave a 'tapestry' of shared experiences for the whole family.

Grand parenting on the road-Taking a trip with your grandchildren or sharing your love of a favorite place will help you create special memories together. Special trips, whether it’s a day trip to a national park, a weekend in a nearby city, or a week-long resort vacation, will always be remembered by the child as a special journey with grandma or grandpa.

One of the great advantages of traveling with your grandchild is the opportunity for both of you to be away from home. Being on the road means being free of chores, errands, the computer—any familiar routine. It means all kinds of possibilities for the unexpected, offer opportunities to discover new parts of the world, of yourself, and of your grandchildren.

Involve your grandchild in planning the trip, and of course, involve his or her parents to be sure they're comfortable with the plans. Then hit the road! After you’ve traveled, an album of that experience can be an ongoing delight for everyone in the family.

 Long-distance grand parenting-

It’s estimated that about 50 percent of grandparents live more than 200 miles from their grandchildren. Children's lives can change very quickly, so long-distance grandparents sometimes struggle trying to keep up with the day-to-day details of their grandkids’ lives. Often, it just requires special efforts to communicate with your grandchild that in turn will establish the foundation for a strong long-term relationship.

When your grandchild is a baby, toddler, or very young child, engage the parents to keep up to date on your grandchild’s progress, his or her current interests, and the type of reading or viewing material that might be appropriate. Send a few of your favorite children's books and the recording along with the books, or make a tape of songs you would sing if you were together.

   Have family scrapbooks. Kids love to hear stories about their family. If you can’t be with them to recount family stories first hand, try writing them down. Add photos or create a scrapbook (online or off).Whats App photos, videos and messages of things that interest you and what you think will interest them. Encourage your grand kids to add their own memories and photos.

All of these small things communicate your interest and love.  Whenever possible, though, try to be present for the most important events in your grandchild’s life, such as graduations, recitals, holidays, or whatever events are important to your family.

Full time Grand-parenting-

 A growing number of grandparents are taking on the parenting role of their grandchildren, thus foregoing the traditional grandparent/grandchild relationship. Grandparents who assume the role of parents often find themselves giving up leisure time, the option of traveling, and many other aspects of their independence. Instead, they take on responsibility for the day-to-day maintenance of a home, schedules, meals, homework, and play dates. In cases where tragedy required a grandparent to step into the role of parent, there are also many additional stress factors—grieving on the part of the children and the grandparents, for example—that need to be addressed.

Raising your grandchildren, while challenging, can also be incredibly rewarding. Grandparents in this position experience much greater connection to their grandkid’s world, including school and leisure activities. They often find themselves rolling back the years, rejuvenated by the constant companionship of much younger people. They also derive immense satisfaction providing their grandchildren with a safe, nurturing, and structured home environment in which to grow and feel loved.

Tips for grandparents raising grandchildren:-

  Keep up your own health. Get regular checkups and follow your doctor's advice. Try to get an adequate amount of sleep and do not skip meals.

 Walk or exercise three times a week for 30 minutes or more to reduce stress and promote well-being.

 Insist on a regular quiet hour. Children can take naps or have a quiet time in their rooms. Teens can     listen to their music through earphones. Learn to relax during this time.

    Take time for yourself. Look for events where grandchildren can enjoy time apart from you. There might be story hours at the library, or activities at the Boys and Girls Clubs.

    Do something you enjoy. Participate regularly in at least one hobby or activity.

    Talk out your problems with understanding friends or other grandparents. Or join a support group.

    Set limits with your grandchildren and stick to them.

    Let yourself off the hook. Your adult child's circumstances are not your fault.

    Focus on the positive and keep your sense of humor.

    Avoid isolation. Make an effort to maintain friendships, even if it is only by telephonic.  

Distance grand parenting

Distance grand parenting can be made a bit easier by taking advantage of technology and old-fashioned communication skills!

Long distance grandparents continue to be a growing segment of a society in which the world grows smaller and smaller. When your grandchildren move away,  are born in another state or across the world, it can be a difficult adjustment. The bond between grandchildren and grandparents is strong, and they love having their grandparent involved with them whether they’re down the block or an ocean away.

So, how do loving grandparents maintain a long distance relationship with grandchildren? It seems that old-fashioned communication tools combined with the marvels of modern technology can help to ease the distance and minimize the separation. Telephones, computers, and cell phones continue to provide unique opportunities that help families stay as close as possible over long distances.

Although nothing beats seeing those beautiful smiles or having those little arms around your neck in a great big hug, there are many ways to stay current in your grandkids’ minds .

Weekly or monthly arrivals in the mailbox for young children are a great way to maintain communication. You don’t have to spend a lot of money: inexpensive toys, personal photographs, books, crayons and coloring books, even free coloring pages printed from the internet along with a personal note create anticipation and glee in young children. Kids love to get mail – and when its from their grandparents it’s a real treat! Even just a regular hand written note or letter once a week can reap priceless rewards.

Regular Weekly Phone Calls

Grandchildren love talking to their grandparents on the phone! Sometimes they get so excited they can’t talk, so be prepared to ask them some simple questions that let them share a little bit of themselves…try to avoid straight ‘yes or no’ questions.

Using Cell Phones

These are great from the perspective that you can call your grand kids from wherever you are…your backyard or a special location, snap a photo and send it right along to them in real time. If your grand kids are teens, this is often the best way to reach out to them, and they love to send cell phone photos!

Web Cam

This is one of the best ways to stay in touch in a personal way. Web cams are fairly inexpensive, and truly the next best thing to being there. It gives you both a chance to see each other in real time, talk and share.There are many ways you can stay in touch with your grandchildren, and all the ‘old-fashioned’ modes of communication work as well as the most modern conveniences.

So enjoy your grand child growing up as this period is very short!

                       Sleeplessness

The other day as I was talking to my sister, she mentioned about her difficulty in getting a good night’s sleep.  It did not surprise me, considering that she is over 60 years of age.  That conversation prompted me to talk to my friends who also complained of sleeplessness at night.

Many a senior citizens often complain about sleep disorders. While some do have serious problems, few sleep well but are not satisfied, as they do not feel well rested in the morning when they wake up. There seems to be no scientific or proven guidelines as to how many hours of sleep a human being really needs, as he grows older. The quantum depends on the constitution of the individual. In general, the measure seems to be to the extent that one feels well rested when one gets up after the sleep.

From the interaction and enquiries from people around me, having collected data from their experience, I thought why not summarize and present it for the benefit of others. Though I personally do not have any consistent sleeping disorders, I do have occasional bouts and I found many of the following tricks did give me great result in inducing sleep. 

In our younger days, most of us fell asleep without effort as we all had our work to do for long hours during the daytime and rarely had time even for a short daytime nap. It was the waking up and leaving the bed that used to be the problem. Post retirement with no long working hours  having plenty of time on hand with no specific time schedule to keep up, we find that sleep allures us when we want to retire at night. For many retired people social and physiological problem also aggravate to the insomniac condition.

Sleeping pills may not be the ideal long-term solution since over time, we could develop an addition and just one dose may not be enough.  Therefore, how much sleep is enough for a person above the age of 60? The Doctors say that 5 to 6 hours are sufficient for seniors.  However, each person's metabolism is different. Some require 8 hours while other makes do with just 5 hours.

Sleeplessness is due to some or other ailments. These are –

1.    Acute Insomnia, which could last for up to month,

2.    Chronic Insomnia that could, persists for over a month to a few months,

3.    Mild Insomnia, which is the alternating, cycles of good nights sleep and restless nights.

What leads to Sleeplessness?

·       Over exertion or lack of physical activity

·       Illness or mental stress

·       Noise or light

·       Temperature variations

·       Limited or too much air circulation in the room

·       Eating heavy food late at night.

·       Consuming imbalanced diet.

·       Partner's snoring

·       Watching disturbing programs on the television

·       Uncomfortable bed or pillow

·       Consumption of caffeinated drinks or canned/preserved food, smoking, or drinking large amounts of alcohol

·       Aging and associated ailments.

Medical research recommends to adoption of life-style changes to induce better sleep during nights. 

Here are some tips for the elders to fall asleep quickly and have a good night’s sleep -

·       Adopt a routine - go to bed and wake up at fixed time everyday. Early to bed and early to rise still holds good.

·       Take a warm bath with some soothing agents like Neem or basil leaves prior to sleeping.

·       Wear loose clothes.

·       Read a relaxing book, listen to soothing music or watch a light movie.

·       Consume plenty of fruits and salads to give extra nutrients.

·       Do not consume liquids for at least an hour before sleep time since the body takes at least ninety minutes to process it.

·       Eat a light dinner at least two hours before sleep time.

·       Keep the conditions in your room – temperature, air circulation, bed, pillow, etc - comfortable as per your liking.

·       Use soft corner lamps in the living room and avoid bright light in the evening, as eyes may not adjust to total darkness immediately.

·       Exercise regularly during the day. Yoga and walks are better for seniors than exerting in the gym.

·       Deep breathing while lying on your back helps to relax and fall asleep.

·       Saying a prayer and putting your head in the lap of God banishes worries and helps in positive thinking.

·       Keep items that could beep and radiate mild light out of the bedroom – e.g. loud clocks, computers, fax machine, etc.

·       Use a night lamp in the bathroom when answering the call of nature and avoid switching on bright lights.

·       Avoid excitement or arguments before bedtime.

·       Secure the doors and windows so you can sleep without worry.

·       Do not look at the timepiece to know time. Instead, keep the alarm when you want to wake up.

In spite of all these precautions, if sleep still eludes, then drink this hot cup of masala milk:

1.    Heat a cup of milk.

2.    Grind 1-teaspoon poppy seeds, five almonds, four strand of saffron, and a pinch of nutmeg.

3.    Mix the powder with honey in the hot milk and drink it hot.

Good Night!