Grandparenting

                                                                                                                                                

As grandparents we all want to make the most of the precious family time we get to spend with our grandchildren. The best grand parenting activities flow from the interests of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. You can create deep; loving relationships with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love with them, and by learning about what excite them.

Whether you’re a full-time grandparent, or a long distance grandparent living thousands of miles away, you can find new ways to strengthen family ties and provide your grandchildren with joyful memories and valuable life lessons.

 The role of a grandparent in a child's life-

 Grand- parenting is an opportunity to play, to love someone new, to appreciate the magic of a developing mind, and to be needed by someone again. Grandparents can:

 Share the things they're passionate about with a new audience.

 See the world in a new way through younger eyes.

 Experience,  games, music, nature, reading, and other interests in conjunction with a curious young mind.

 Provide expanded support and encourage their grandchildren.

 Use their breadth of experience to avoid the pitfalls they may have encountered as parents the first time around.

 Watch children develop through all stages of growth.

 Learn about their grand kids' music and passions.

 Provide input that parents cannot.

Usually, grandparents have the benefit of interacting on a level that is once removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of parents. This can make it easier to develop a close bond with grandchildren. From near or far, grand parenting can provide continuity in a child's life. Grandparents are often the family historians, and can add a rich sense of family tradition to a child's life. Additionally, contact with grandparents can teach children positive attitudes towards aging and help them develop skills to enhance their own lifelong learning.

Of course, not everything about being a grandparent is great all of the time. Becoming a grandparent at a young age can make some people feel prematurely old and, just as parents do grandparents too sometimes have to deal with colicky babies and moody teenagers. For most though, the benefits of being a grandparent far outweigh the drawbacks.

What is the role of a grandparent in a child's life?

There is as many answers to this question as there are different family configurations and needs. Some grand parenting requires a full-time commitment. For others, grand parenting is a weekend together, an afternoon play date, a summer vacation, a chat on the phone, or an email exchange every now and then. And some other it is once in a year.

A good first step to a long and successful relationship with your grandchild is to establish some ground rules with your son or daughter:

Be clear about what role you want to have in your grandchild's life. How often you want to babysit, for example, or whether you’d like to be included in events such as school functions.

Talk with parents about their rules. Consistency is important for kids, so know the behavior limits your grandchild has to follow at home and maintain the rules when he or she is with you.

 Enforce any agreed upon punishment for bad behavior, whether it’s a “time out” or loss of privileges, for example.

 Baby proof your home, to ensure safety for infants and toddlers. It’s probably been a number of years since you had young children in your home so it’s important to check with your grandchild’s parents about ways to baby proof your home, so they’re comfortable leaving the child with you.

Common grand parenting pitfalls to avoid

Whatever your specific circumstances, when you are expressing love, showing concern for your grandchild's safety and well being, and being consistent in your behavior, you are probably already doing an excellent job of grand parenting.

To avoid potential conflict within your family, try to avoid these common grand parenting pitfalls:

Trying to be the parent.- As much as you might want to tell your children how to raise your grand kids, it’s not your role. Respect the parenting decisions your children make for your grand kids.

    Buying your  grand kids’ affection-. It’s tempting for grandparents to shower their grand kids with gifts, but check with the child's parents before you buy more toys. Maybe substitute some of your gift giving with activities instead. Do something with your grandchild that you both love and will build memories. Shower them with love instead of gifts.

    Overindulging the first few grandchildren and then not being able to repeat it as additional grandchildren come along. This can cause resentment from your own children who have kids later in life. Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchild (college fund, beach vacations, trips to the zoo) will set a precedent that you’ll need to repeat for every other grandchild.

    Ignoring boundaries.- A grandparent who won’t enforce limits and gives in to their grandchild’s every whim can infuriate parents. By allowing your grand kids to misbehave, overindulge in candy and junk food, or ignore bedtimes, for example, you’re only encouraging unhealthy behavior and making their parents’ job even harder.

Tips for spending quality time with your grand kids

The best grand parenting activities flow naturally from the interests of both the grandparents and the grandchildren. You can create a deep, loving relationship with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love with them, and by being available to hear about the ideas and activities that excite them.

Take it easy together

Make an effort to enjoy leisure time with your grandchildren. As a grandparent, you get to interact with your grandchildren without the same daily pressures of a parent—you don't have to worry about driving carpool or juggling making dinner for the family with  game practice and grocery shopping. Allow yourself to slow down and become really absorbed in an activity. Moving at a slower pace than usual can give children a sense that time can be 'stretched’—that you don't need to hurry through activities. And, as with adults, it gives them the psychic space to feel, reflect, and express emotions without feeling rushed.

Go outside

Children love the outdoors, and trips to the park or the beach can be a great jumping off point for some wonderful adventures and happy memories. Nature walks and day hikes can provide lots of interesting things to talk about, and water activities can be especially fun. Throwing stones into the water or watching the current play with sticks are simple activities that can be fascinating to children. You can start these activities when kids are toddlers, and expand the games as they get older.

Share your interests or your work

Engaging in hobbies and activities that you love or your grandchild loves can be a great way to spend time together and learn about each other. Sometimes, activities that you might not expect your grandchildren to be interested in, like knitting or gardening, might turn out to provide an important point of connection for you. Similarly, if you take an interest in something they are passionate about, like trading cards or the Harry Potter books, they get to share their special area of knowledge and may open up in new ways.

If you are still working, a visit to your place of work can add a dimension to your grandchild's perception of you. If you are retired, pictures and stories about what your working days were like can do the same.

Making the most of your grand parenting time

Carve out one-on-one time. On occasion, spend time with individual grandchildren. It will give you an opportunity to bond, without competition, with one grandchild at a time.

    See the sights. Concerts and plays, movies, science centers and museums, parks or walks in the neighborhood provide opportunities to be together and to exchange ideas and opinions.

    Play games. Board and card games are a unique opportunity to watch kids in action and to see how they operate in the world. Games also allow you to help your grandchild learn to be a good sport and play fairly.

    Communicate family history. Tell stories about games or trips you shared when the grandchild's parents were young. This is a great way to weave a 'tapestry' of shared experiences for the whole family.

Grand parenting on the road-Taking a trip with your grandchildren or sharing your love of a favorite place will help you create special memories together. Special trips, whether it’s a day trip to a national park, a weekend in a nearby city, or a week-long resort vacation, will always be remembered by the child as a special journey with grandma or grandpa.

One of the great advantages of traveling with your grandchild is the opportunity for both of you to be away from home. Being on the road means being free of chores, errands, the computer—any familiar routine. It means all kinds of possibilities for the unexpected, offer opportunities to discover new parts of the world, of yourself, and of your grandchildren.

Involve your grandchild in planning the trip, and of course, involve his or her parents to be sure they're comfortable with the plans. Then hit the road! After you’ve traveled, an album of that experience can be an ongoing delight for everyone in the family.

 Long-distance grand parenting-

It’s estimated that about 50 percent of grandparents live more than 200 miles from their grandchildren. Children's lives can change very quickly, so long-distance grandparents sometimes struggle trying to keep up with the day-to-day details of their grandkids’ lives. Often, it just requires special efforts to communicate with your grandchild that in turn will establish the foundation for a strong long-term relationship.

When your grandchild is a baby, toddler, or very young child, engage the parents to keep up to date on your grandchild’s progress, his or her current interests, and the type of reading or viewing material that might be appropriate. Send a few of your favorite children's books and the recording along with the books, or make a tape of songs you would sing if you were together.

   Have family scrapbooks. Kids love to hear stories about their family. If you can’t be with them to recount family stories first hand, try writing them down. Add photos or create a scrapbook (online or off).Whats App photos, videos and messages of things that interest you and what you think will interest them. Encourage your grand kids to add their own memories and photos.

All of these small things communicate your interest and love.  Whenever possible, though, try to be present for the most important events in your grandchild’s life, such as graduations, recitals, holidays, or whatever events are important to your family.

Full time Grand-parenting-

 A growing number of grandparents are taking on the parenting role of their grandchildren, thus foregoing the traditional grandparent/grandchild relationship. Grandparents who assume the role of parents often find themselves giving up leisure time, the option of traveling, and many other aspects of their independence. Instead, they take on responsibility for the day-to-day maintenance of a home, schedules, meals, homework, and play dates. In cases where tragedy required a grandparent to step into the role of parent, there are also many additional stress factors—grieving on the part of the children and the grandparents, for example—that need to be addressed.

Raising your grandchildren, while challenging, can also be incredibly rewarding. Grandparents in this position experience much greater connection to their grandkid’s world, including school and leisure activities. They often find themselves rolling back the years, rejuvenated by the constant companionship of much younger people. They also derive immense satisfaction providing their grandchildren with a safe, nurturing, and structured home environment in which to grow and feel loved.

Tips for grandparents raising grandchildren:-

  Keep up your own health. Get regular checkups and follow your doctor's advice. Try to get an adequate amount of sleep and do not skip meals.

 Walk or exercise three times a week for 30 minutes or more to reduce stress and promote well-being.

 Insist on a regular quiet hour. Children can take naps or have a quiet time in their rooms. Teens can     listen to their music through earphones. Learn to relax during this time.

    Take time for yourself. Look for events where grandchildren can enjoy time apart from you. There might be story hours at the library, or activities at the Boys and Girls Clubs.

    Do something you enjoy. Participate regularly in at least one hobby or activity.

    Talk out your problems with understanding friends or other grandparents. Or join a support group.

    Set limits with your grandchildren and stick to them.

    Let yourself off the hook. Your adult child's circumstances are not your fault.

    Focus on the positive and keep your sense of humor.

    Avoid isolation. Make an effort to maintain friendships, even if it is only by telephonic.  

Distance grand parenting

Distance grand parenting can be made a bit easier by taking advantage of technology and old-fashioned communication skills!

Long distance grandparents continue to be a growing segment of a society in which the world grows smaller and smaller. When your grandchildren move away,  are born in another state or across the world, it can be a difficult adjustment. The bond between grandchildren and grandparents is strong, and they love having their grandparent involved with them whether they’re down the block or an ocean away.

So, how do loving grandparents maintain a long distance relationship with grandchildren? It seems that old-fashioned communication tools combined with the marvels of modern technology can help to ease the distance and minimize the separation. Telephones, computers, and cell phones continue to provide unique opportunities that help families stay as close as possible over long distances.

Although nothing beats seeing those beautiful smiles or having those little arms around your neck in a great big hug, there are many ways to stay current in your grandkids’ minds .

Weekly or monthly arrivals in the mailbox for young children are a great way to maintain communication. You don’t have to spend a lot of money: inexpensive toys, personal photographs, books, crayons and coloring books, even free coloring pages printed from the internet along with a personal note create anticipation and glee in young children. Kids love to get mail – and when its from their grandparents it’s a real treat! Even just a regular hand written note or letter once a week can reap priceless rewards.

Regular Weekly Phone Calls

Grandchildren love talking to their grandparents on the phone! Sometimes they get so excited they can’t talk, so be prepared to ask them some simple questions that let them share a little bit of themselves…try to avoid straight ‘yes or no’ questions.

Using Cell Phones

These are great from the perspective that you can call your grand kids from wherever you are…your backyard or a special location, snap a photo and send it right along to them in real time. If your grand kids are teens, this is often the best way to reach out to them, and they love to send cell phone photos!

Web Cam

This is one of the best ways to stay in touch in a personal way. Web cams are fairly inexpensive, and truly the next best thing to being there. It gives you both a chance to see each other in real time, talk and share.There are many ways you can stay in touch with your grandchildren, and all the ‘old-fashioned’ modes of communication work as well as the most modern conveniences.

So enjoy your grand child growing up as this period is very short!